In high school, I made the unpopular, but conscious, choice to get hurt in order to overcome my shyness.
There was this social butterfly of a girl that I met, and we became “friends”. I had her number though, I knew she gossiped about everyone, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before she did the same with me. People like her just can’t resist… even if it means hurting someone they are somewhat close to.
I’m not sure exactly how long our friendship lasted, but I was painfully shy. I would blush whenever someone I didn’t know well spoke to me. I despised being centered out, for any reason. I would have rathered it if people just let me stay in the background. I never shared my opinions, for fear of an argument or confrontation. This girl was the exact opposite and I knew that spending time with her would help me, but that she would hurt me in the end.
I chose to risk it just so I could beat my shyness.
People who know me well would be surprised to learn this about me, because today I am very outspoken (sometimes to an excess lol). I have opinions and beliefs that I speak openly about, and stand by, no matter what the cost. I’m funny, witty and just a smidge sarcastic… but most of all, I’m not shy. Being the center of attention is still not my favourite place to be, but I can handle it for very short periods of time.
I was right about this girl. I confided in her; a secret which was very important to me, which she used against me in a very public way. The old me would have let it slide. Who knows, maybe I would have continued the friendship. But the new me, back then, not only knew she was the cause, I also called her out on it and ended our friendship that very day.
I guess, in a way, we kind of used one another. She had no real close friends, and that’s what I was to her, for awhile. Although she hurt me, and I expected it, I don’t really regret our “friendship”.
Have you ever made the unpopular choice?